October 11th is National Coming Out Day and today I’m celebrating 30 years of being openly queer. It was really unsafe when I was outed as a teenager in the early ‘90s in the Midwest and I’ve been in a process of reclaiming that experience and rescripting that narrative ever since.

Looking at photos of me from that time, it’s hard to imagine anyone hating or wanting to hurt this kid — but it was a different time in the world. I don’t see a 14 year old who has demons in him when I look at this picture. I see a sweet gay kid with big dreams, who deserved better than the hateful, anti-gay church he was born into.

For me, coming out is an ongoing process. I feel like I come out every day, in every room I enter. The term ‘coming out’ means different things to different people, and it’s informed by our individual experiences in the world. You’re still queer before you’re out. Out is a state of mind as much as it is a political act.

Are you able to be your whole self in every room you enter? If so, great. But that’s not always safe. I think people should come out when it works for them and when they are going to be safe in that process. This looks different for everybody.

It’s hard to be afraid of people when you know them to be good, and it’s even harder to hate someone you already love. Whether we are talking about our families, communities, or Hollywood, LGBTQ+ people demanding to be seen and celebrated while showing people who we really are, helps facilitate that.

Be you, baby. Fuck the haters.

❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤🤎

#NCOD

This is the 5th Anniversary of the first time my documentary Lead With Love was screened publicly, after I had carried around the truth of this story (as well as all of the hot media takes, death threats, and letters of support, from folks who weren’t there) privately for half a decade.

I remember, at the time, feeling like I needed to release this film in order to survive. All the projections, all the misinformation, all the hate, and all the love — it just needed to be informed.

Thank you to Revry for believing in this movie enough to stream it out to over 250 million homes in the years since. And thank you to the people from this film who ultimately took down the hateful Mars Hill Church and ideologies from the inside. It’s been gone for many years now and the world is entirely better for it.

Watch Lead With Love now on Revry and at www.LeadWithLove.gay