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37 True Things I Hope I Never Forget That I’ve Already Learned About Life on the Eve of my 37th Birthday

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I’m turning 37 tomorrow and wrote myself a list of 37 true things I hope I never forget that I’ve already learned about life.

1. No one is going to believe in you all the way except for you. You will have supporters and sales and reviews and boos and applause and every so often other people might even want to take a piece, but the dream is yours and yours alone. People will tell you that you don’t belong or that you shouldn’t believe, but here’s what: You DO and you SHOULD. Nobody puts baby in a corner (but know that literally everyone will try)

2. That pure belief you have inside yourself is made of solid gold. Protect it. It’s the most valuable thing you will ever own.

3. It’s perfectly alright to enjoy being in quiet, dark places by yourself. The world is hard and bright and you are allowed to go inside whenever you damn well please and stay there for as long as you damn well like.

4. The truth is magic. Every good thing that has come to you in your life has been because you were brave in the face of scary shit. Keep doing that. It’s working.

5. When people begin talking about you like you are a product, remember that you are not. Your humanity cannot be bought and sold. Even as your name and creations are treated like currency, you still own them and all that they stand for, good and bad. You are still yours.

6. Let people be kind to you. Trust that it might even be genuine. You’re fine. Eat a cookie, dude.

7. Don’t be hurt when others are repulsed by your truth and share this feedback with you and others. You knew some people would be scared when you decided to step off that edge and that very disgust is why you decided to do this very scary thing in the first place. You are too close to the big awful truth. Do not step back. Move closer. Make the danger your plaything. The fear and public shaming means it’s working. Ok, fine. You can be hurt…but don’t be surprised. This is the plan in action.

8. You will never again be the very skinny person you were before you quit using cocaine 9 years ago because, in order to be that skinny person, you have to do drugs and starve yourself. This is what your healthy body looks like. Please continue to come to grips with looking like a normal human being. It’s so much better.

9. Call your mother as much as you can, even on days where you don’t want to be seen. Just trust me on this.

10. Make sure your dad knows you love him and that you know he loves you so much, too. He’s a good man and you are going to be really angry with yourself later in life if you don’t tell him while you can. Stop being proud.

11. It’s ok to cry about your dead dog whenever you want, even though it has been years since he died and those closest to you think you probably should be over it by now. Check it out: You’re not. Let people stare at you while you weep. What are grocery store aisles for, if not for deep, guttural sobbing? Let the poison out. All of it.

12. Do not become desensitized to the privilege you have been afforded in your adult life. Stay grateful. Wake up every day and think “Awesome. How the hell did I get here?” and then remember.

13. Use your power and money for good, even when it’s unpopular with others. It’s not them you will have to live with tomorrow.

14. Go easy on the constant self-critique. The goal is to be challenged and grow, not endure relentless, self-imposed emotional abuse every waking hour of your miserable life. Look in the mirror. He’s not that bad. Come on, now.

15. Eat more greens and drink more water. That Vitamix you bought isn’t going to make you a smoothie by itself.

16. About once every 6 months or so you are going to want to get in the car and drive yourself to the nearest Arby’s, order 4 beef-n-cheddar sandwiches with extra Arby’s sauce, then park in the lot and eat them one after the other. It’s nostalgia. DO IT. Just get it over with.

17. Never stop being excited about your childhood heroes, even if they turn out to be different than you had hoped after you meet in real life. People are almost never how they seem. Sometimes it’s for the better, sometimes not…but your love for them, that connection that drew you to their work or celebrity as a young person, still matters even if they turn out to be a total dick.

18. Stay vulnerable. Let other people know when you need their help. You don’t get extra points for suffering alone.

19. If you think the guy at the pizza place is cute, tell him. Also: It’s not nearly as creepy if you actually make eye contact and smile when you say it.

20. Watch “Friends” reruns whenever you can. For whatever reason, it will make you feel better. Every single time.

21. Not everybody you used to know before you got well has to forgive you or have you in their life. You hurt a lot of people with your addiction for 16 years and you are the only one who has the pleasure of not remembering most of it. Listen to your buddy Cheryl Strayed when she says that the best way to apologize to someone is to just never hurt anyone else in that same way again. You have been doing that for almost a decade now. Keep apologizing with this better life and let them go. File under: Things you lost in the fire.

22. Forgive yourself for being so messy about growing up. You were sick and now you’re not and there’s nothing you can do about the mess except own it. Those years were beautiful in all kinds of spectacular (albeit horrifying) ways, too. If someone is going to love you now, they have to also love you then. There is no you now without you then. That’s how it works.

23. Buy Chanel soap and Prada sneakers and expensive sculptures and don’t worry about what other people think about your lavish ridiculousness. They were likely never homeless and cannot understand how much symbolism is held within these creature comforts. Let them roll their eyes while you do you, fancy girl. Fuck it.

24. Go have fun with your little brother. Make up for all of the lost years. Give him advice. Take his advice. Laugh. Eat. Hi-five. Repeat.

25. Quit buying every floral button up dress shirt you come across. It’s enough already.

26. Never underestimate the power of preparedness. I’m pretty sure Oprah told you this first, but if you learn only one thing from the past few years of living, let it be this.

27. There is nothing better than a bean and cheese burrito. NOTHING. Anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is lying.

28. Understand that marching to the beat of your own drum means you are always going to be in wide open spaces with no path to follow. Just run. Hit what you hit. Miss what you miss. They might never understand you. That’s sort of the point. You occupy a singular position, freakshow. There’s no box for you. If you want to play, you’ll have to build your own. Here’s a pile of wood. Figure it out.

29. Stop comparing yourself to other people. What counts is that you continue to fail or succeed in your own completely original ways. Are you better than you used to be? If so, you are successful. You will never be someone else. Give that goal up.

30. Stop and look at where you are and how far you have come. You should carry on with reaching for the stars, by all means, but I do believe you have already accomplished what you set out to do so long ago many times over. Congratulations. How does it feel?

31. Remember that feeling. It will not last forever.

32. You don’t always have to be brave. It’s also fine to give up every now and then. This monster you are fighting is strong and of course you are tired.

33. You need to make time for more naps. They are soul medicine. And, like I said, you are tired.

34. It’s time to love a small creature again. You’re ready. And yes. The small creature will die. And yes. You will get hurt. And yes. Even in the midst of all of that, it will be worth it.

35. Impressing strangers is stupid. Reject the temptation to care. Do only things to impress yourself and throw all of your bad ideas in the garbage as soon as you identify them as such. Your loneliness has been meticulously cultivated over the years. Enjoy it.

36. This vintage dream of making your own family can still happen if you want it to. Stop being so dramatic about time. Your eggs are fine.

37. Love is everywhere. Open your eyes.

Category: Emotional Bullshit, Health & Wellness, life, Logan Lynn, Love, Mental Health, News, Shit That Makes Me Die Dead, Uncategorized

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