// NEW MONEY \\ 1.27.22 // Kill Rock Stars \\

  

LISTEN: Logan Lynn Talks Music, Mental Health, Marijuana and More on the Beyond Well with Sheila Hamilton Podcast (AUDIO)

My episode of the Beyond Well Podcast with Sheila Hamilton premiered today! We talk about addiction, recovery, the music industry, medical marijuana, abuse, resilience, surviving Portland in the 90s, and more.

Glasys and I also play some music during the show.

Have a listen and subscribe HERE, or press play below:

WATCH: Feed Me To The W.T.F. (VIDEO)

I can’t believe it’s been 11 years since this single premiered on MTVLogoVH1 and a bunch of other channels, radio stations, and like…MySpace, I guess?

It was the first time I had ever been on network TV or signed to a major label, and so many people were projecting things onto me at the time, working to mold me, and trying to help fit me into the big game somewhere. Anyone who was tuned in to my nonsense back then will recall, I did not respond well.

“Feed Me To The Wolves” was my first big break, but at its core it’s a song about me trying to survive cocaine addiction, and this video is the last time I would ever be filmed coked out of my mind or drunk. The fact that it was so celebrated at the time — that I was so celebrated in that state of actively, messily, visibly spiraling towards imminent death — seems so curious to me now, over a decade into my recovery.

I was blowing through an 8 ball of coke and drinking at least a fifth of vodka every day, and I showed up to my big break accordingly. I spent $67,000.00 on cocaine in 2007 alone. I was terrible and mean and people thought it was hilarious and marketable.

The crazier I acted, the more folks wrote about me and booked me for shows; and the stranger things got on and off stage at those shows, the more people offered me TV gigs and would come to watch me spin out…but what so many people ended up watching was me canceling performances because I couldn’t remember my words, bailing on appearances at the last minute because my voice quit working (from smoking crack), having my nose begin to die and nearly fall off my face, several public, well-documented overdoses, and eventually (thankfully) disappearing into hospitals and rehabs, emerging well (ish) nearly two years later.

I wish I could go back in time and tell this sad dude to go get help before help is forced upon him in emergency rooms just 18 months later; To not worry about blowing his one shot by pausing the career clock because he ends up blowing his one shot in the end anyway; And that even that’s bullshit because there is no such thing as just one shot, in life or in music.

All that said, I am so grateful for this song, for the peculiar way it continues to find its way into the world all these years later, and how it has ultimately made so many things possible for me, my career, and my life.

Behold: The very last time I ever drank milk.

🖤

 

 

Logan Lynn: The Party’s Over. Now What?

Originally Published in the September 2012 Issue of Just Out Magazine, on stands now. Click this month’s cover below for the original post.

In The Trenches: “The Party’s Over. Now What?”

It’s no secret that I struggled with an addiction to cocaine and alcohol for many years – Sixteen of them, to be exact. A quick Google search of my name uncovers that though, so this isn’t breaking news. I was always very openly strung out and continued to be open throughout the process of cleaning up, nearly 5 years ago at this point. By the time my active using had come to a close, I had wrecked my life many times over, hurt everyone around me, and squandered professional opportunities the likes of which I will never see again. It has been a long road to put things back to how they are today, and there are still times where that messy person appears, ready as ever to destroy all over again.

It seems you can take the drugs away from the insecure screw-up, but the feelings which led to the drugs in the first place remain. Sometimes they are small and manageable, other times they are too large to hold. Even now, all these years later, not a day goes by where I do not think about giving up. It usually happens when I get my feelings hurt or if I feel overwhelmed by the extreme realness of the universe, which tends to hit me in unexpected waves at the most inopportune times. In these moments I would love nothing more than to ease my aching shame with a drink or hide myself from you, the world, in some kind of thick, white, transformative smoke. There are times where I would literally give everything just to feel nothing.

The trouble with me feeling nothing is that it comes at great cost. I know how that story ends. I lose my work, then my friends and family, then my belongings, then my life. Boom. It’s over. Logan Lynn, dead at 32. No more love, no more music, no more words. I tell myself this story constantly so I Read the rest of this entry »

A Lot Can Happen In Four Years…

I almost died four years ago this week, and tomorrow is the fourth anniversary of my younger brother Landon saving my life.

After a 16 year battle with drugs and alcohol I was taken over completely in 2007 and it nearly killed me. I locked myself in my house and began to smoke rock cocaine and drink vodka around the clock. I rarely left. This went on for months and I spent $67,000.00 on my addiction during that final year. I overdosed on two occasions, and I was headed for death. I wish I could say I was so messed up that it didn’t register, but it did. I knew what I was doing this time; I just didn’t care. No one could stop me.

On March 22nd, 2008 someone did manage to stop me, though. My little brother Landon burst into my living room with his wife Ashley unannounced to “get me help”. I had passed my lowest point weeks before and was spiraling toward the end by the time they got there. My entire junky setup was on display in front of me and there it was; the truth. ALL of it. There was a thick layer of cocaine smoke in the air and I remember yelling out something like “Don’t come in here if you’re pregnant” to my sister-in-law. I was in a state.

I looked like a dying man because I was a dying man. Ashley looked afraid when she saw me. My brother did, too. This made me feel afraid, and in that moment, my sweet brother’s fear and love and hopes for my future somehow reached me. He took me by the arm and put me in the car and we went to the hospital. When we got there he had to use force to get me to go in but he managed to get me into the building, admitted, and the rest is history.

The past four years have been the most wonderful gift. I have come back to myself, back to this world, back to my family; and I’ve found love and joy that I would have never found had I not made it through. There are still moments when who I was before shows up in my present day, but I am not afraid of that person. He was a person, too. A very sick, sad person who needed help.

The truth of my story is hard sometimes. I certainly wish I hadn’t done many of the things I did during my addicted years, but I am empowered by that same, scary truth. I am not ashamed of having overcome the circumstances of my life, and I am proud to be here today as a result of hard work and the goodness of others who have given me the opportunity to start over.

I saved my little brother’s life when we were young boys, and he returned the favor when we were grown men. Now, years later, I am still moved by his bravery. To stand up to me like that in my darkest hour; to come find me when I had shut him out; to physically maneuver me toward safety; that must have all been so scary…but he did it, and I am here today as a result.

Thank you, little brother, for showing up when I needed you. You got there just in time.

…and thank you to everyone who loved me then, who loves and cares about me now, and who keeps reminding me of just how lucky I am to be here. This world is beautiful because of you.

xo,
Logan

BE WELL, FRIENDS. THE WORLD NEEDS YOU.

I was chatting with an older woman who works in my building today for the first time and she said “I hope this comes out the right way but I overheard you say that you needed someone else to set up the bar for the party because you are a recovering alcoholic and I just wanted you to know how happy I was to hear you taking care of yourself like that. You see, my daughter had the same problem but she was never able to get well. I lost her last February. I know how very hard it is and I think it is so great what you are doing.” I smiled and said, “I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. It’s a very difficult journey to be on. So hard on everyone involved.” She replied “Yes…but it was hardest on her.”

We talked for a little while about how now she is raising her granddaughter as her own and how maybe we are all just doing our best, even when we are at our worst (a concept which has come up in conversation lately with a few different people and that I find incredibly hard to wrap my head around at times). At one point her eyes welled up and she said “Hearing you stand up for yourself and your life in that moment made me love my daughter in a way I have not been able to since she died. Thank you for giving that back to me.” She started crying big tears, which made me start crying big tears…then we hugged the hug that only people who have been through the same war hug, an embrace I have felt before with my own hurt, scared mother around this stuff.

In that moment I imagined myself to be her daughter, years later, happy and well, hugging away the pain of watching someone you love struggle through the horrors of addiction. I felt like saying “It’s OK, mom. It’s over now.” as I have done with my mother on several occasions since finally getting well in 2007…but those words mean something so different for her than they do for my mom. For this sweet woman and her daughter, it really is over. All of it. No more memories, no more birthdays or holidays spent together. She is just gone, taken from this world by a glass of something.

I am so thankful that my mother does not have to cry on the shoulder of some other survivor to feel close to her dead child and I am grateful to have real love in my life where there used to be an empty space I filled with cocaine and vodka. I know how lucky that makes me and not a day goes by that I don’t wonder why I get to be one of the lucky ones. These days are cosmic gifts, extra moments bestowed upon me and my family by some unexpected twist of fate. I am 4 years into the bonus round and I try to make every minute count. I get to be here to kiss my boyfriend, play with my dog, watch my nieces grow up, help the community I care so deeply about, and enjoy all these beautiful years I almost didn’t get to have with you all.

Be well, friends. Live the life you are meant to live. Hug your mothers. Find something lovable about yourself and LOVE IT fearlessly. Then, share that love with the world…because the world needs you. If you are struggling with addiction, please tell someone. There are lots of different ways to get lots of different kinds of help and there has never been a better time to get your shit together than RIGHT NOW.

I wish you the happiest of all holidays, everybody.

xo
Logan

LOGAN LYNN INTERVIEWED ABOUT HIS DEPARTURE FROM MUSIC IN THIS WEEK’S ISSUE OF JUST OUT — DIGITAL VERSION HERE!

Last week I sat down with the editor of Portland Newsweekly Just Out (Amanda Schurr) to chat about my announced departure from my current life in Musicworld. A man has his reasons. If you care to know more, pick up a copy or keep reading below. To read the online version CLICK HERE or to download the PDF version of the 2 page ordeal, click the following two links: Page 34Page 35

I love how Just Out never twists my words or calls me fat and ugly. BEST. GAY. PAPER. EVER.

From Just Out: (8/6/2010)

Will Work for Good : Portland pop dynamo Logan Lynn quits music, for now…

Logan Lynn just wants a new hoodie. Sitting outside a North Portland cafe, blue hood yanked over a navy baseball hat, he points to a missing zipper pull—and later, more tellingly, to letters on the hoodie’s front, “F-R-E-D.”

“It just needs to say ‘not what I thought it was gonna be,’” he says, half joking.

It’s been that kind of decade for the Portland musician, who took to his website Thursday, July 29 to announce his self-proclaimed “career suicide,” an indefinite hiatus from the music business. With characteristic candor, Lynn wrote: “As I near the 10-year-anniversary of my debut record,… I have come to some conclusions not only about the journey I’ve been on since then musically and in my personal life, but also the journey I intend to be on moving forward with both.

One thing that is painfully clear to me and everyone who knows me in real life is that I AM MISERABLE. I have been for some time. I’m sick of being broke, mismanaged, overworked, screwed over by the folks who are supposed to be looking out for me … you know, all the hits.”

A few days later over iced coffee, Lynn pulls even fewer punches, with himself and others. “The more time I have to think it over, the more comfortable I am with the whole idea,” he says, in what begins a conversation about demons, downloads and the decision to withdraw from what he admits is an enviable, even courted spotlight—at least from the outside.

“I’m sure there’s at least a thousand bands in this town that I know that would be like, ‘Dude, you’re super blowing it. I have no idea what you’re talking about,’” concedes Lynn, fresh off a Read the rest of this entry »

CHECK OUT LOGAN LYNN’S INTERVIEW IN CURRENT (AUGUST 2010) ISSUE OF ‘Q TOWN MAGAZINE’! READ IT HERE NOW!!!

Q Town Magazine interviewed me for this month’s issue (on stands now in Virginia, online HERE. Check out the full transcript below! I talk about the usual things people talk about in interviews: cocaine, butt sex, being a jerk, fucking my life up, Jesus, etc.

🙂

From Q TOWN Magazine (August 2010 Issue):

It’s been quite a trip for Portland electronica artist Logan Lynn. From his first studio album, This Is Folk Techno in 1998 to his latest From Pillar To Post, Lynn transports us away to his buzzing trance-like world. Famous for edgy lyrics and playful beats, Lynn creates excitement on MTV, Logo, VH1, Spike and in the pulsating indie music scene.

Q town recently caught up with Logan to chat about hooking up with The Dandy Warhols, his connection to his fans, and how queer culture influences the mainstream.

QT: Your style has been called electro-house mixed with folk, which is a really interesting combination. How did these two come together for you?

LL: I was always really interested in both genres separately growing up and coming into my own musically as a songwriter. At some point in the late 90’s I started blending the two together. Back then nobody really understood what I was doing. I would have shows and people would just stand there and scratch their heads. I could tell they were like “What the hell is this guy doing?”, but that was mostly because they just had no reference point. That was WAY before The Postal Service or some of those groups that came along in the mid 2000’s. Once that all started getting big is when people really started to gravitate to my music. I repackaged and re-released the same record in 2005 that I had released in 2000 and the reaction was amazing so I immediately recorded all the songs I had been writing during that 5 year hiatus from making records and got the ball rolling for my self-titled record in 2006. I’m glad people get it now.

QT: How did you hook up with the indie-rock band The Dandy Warhols and what has that experience been like for you?

LL: I was working on an ad campaign for a company in Los Angeles in 2005 & we hired a photographer from Portland named Ray Gordon who I ended up partying with for days in LA. He fell in love with some of the new material I played him and just happened to be really good friends with Courtney Taylor-Taylor (the Dandys’ frontman). He knew they were starting a label, Courtney and I met, he got really into my record, they signed me in 2007 and released my last record “From Pillar To Post” on their Beat The World label in 2009. It has been really great to have access to their studio and to be able to learn from them. It has been quite the journey from there to here.

QT: Can you tell us the inspiration to the lyrics behind your sharply-titled single, “Bottom your way to the top”?

LL: Well, I was in a very long-term relationship that started ending in 2007, but eluded finality until a little over a year ago. At one point, as our 6 years together were dissolving, the words “Just go and bottom your way to the top, then” was yelled my way….so I wrote a song about it. That whole record (“From Pillar To Post”) is about that time in my life. I was immersed in cocaine partyworld and was losing my love. I didn’t react very well to the breakup initially. I acted out in ways that were, well…song-worthy.

QT: We really love the video for “Bottom your way to the top”. In addition to being a musician you’re also a visual artist. Did you help contribute to the concept behind the video?

LL: Nice one! Thanks. I am always involved in some aspect of everything, but I think much of my success has been found in letting the people I work with do their jobs (be it on songs or videos). I have yet to drink my own Kool-Aid to the point where I think I know how to do everything better than everyone else. That’s bullshit. Anyway, the director Jeffrey McHale (from Chicago) had a very clear vision. I came to him because I felt like he and I had a similar point of view. It turned out that we did. He introduced me to an illustrator named John Parot who came on board to illustrate the video which Jeff then animated. Interestingly enough, John Parot is a contestant on Bravo’s “Work Of Art: The Search For The Next Great Artist” this season. He does amazing work. I love that we got him on that video. His drawings are really what next-leveled that one.

QT: What would you say is the best part of being a performer?

LL: I love the connections I make with people. I think because my songs are so personal they tend to find people that are similar to me. That’s been the case thusfar at least. That connection, that shrinking of the world to a size I can deal with, has been the best part of all of this so far. I like feeling like my crazy is understandable my hundreds of thousands of people. Like…other people aren’t running away from my ugly parts on display so maybe I’m not such a fucking psycho after all?

QT: You’ve been a fixture on MTV, VH1, Spike TV and Logo Online and you’ve got a huge following. How did it feel to break into the biz?

LL: It felt different than I thought it was going to. It is amazing that I get to live out my lifelong dreams and have been able to get to the point I’m at currently with this whole thing…but I’ll be honest and say that I always had it in my mind that I would get here and suddenly be happy, suddenly feel like I belong. Unfortunately, that is not the case so I’ve had to mourn the loss of that delusional notion as it has become clear that there just simply is no golden ticket. I love singing, I love writing, I love that there are so many people who feel a connection with me and my songs…but it’s isolating, too. That’s sort-of the nature of the beast I guess…but I wasn’t prepared for that part. It gets lonely on the island, ya know?

Read the rest of this entry »





 

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