LOGAN LYNN // SOFTCORE

  

WATCH: Feed Me To The W.T.F. (VIDEO)

I can’t believe it’s been 11 years since this single premiered on MTVLogoVH1 and a bunch of other channels, radio stations, and like…MySpace, I guess?

It was the first time I had ever been on network TV or signed to a major label, and so many people were projecting things onto me at the time, working to mold me, and trying to help fit me into the big game somewhere. Anyone who was tuned in to my nonsense back then will recall, I did not respond well.

“Feed Me To The Wolves” was my first big break, but at its core it’s a song about me trying to survive cocaine addiction, and this video is the last time I would ever be filmed coked out of my mind or drunk. The fact that it was so celebrated at the time — that I was so celebrated in that state of actively, messily, visibly spiraling towards imminent death — seems so curious to me now, over a decade into my recovery.

I was blowing through an 8 ball of coke and drinking at least a fifth of vodka every day, and I showed up to my big break accordingly. I spent $67,000.00 on cocaine in 2007 alone. I was terrible and mean and people thought it was hilarious and marketable.

The crazier I acted, the more folks wrote about me and booked me for shows; and the stranger things got on and off stage at those shows, the more people offered me TV gigs and would come to watch me spin out…but what so many people ended up watching was me canceling performances because I couldn’t remember my words, bailing on appearances at the last minute because my voice quit working (from smoking crack), having my nose begin to die and nearly fall off my face, several public, well-documented overdoses, and eventually (thankfully) disappearing into hospitals and rehabs, emerging well (ish) nearly two years later.

I wish I could go back in time and tell this sad dude to go get help before help is forced upon him in emergency rooms just 18 months later; To not worry about blowing his one shot by pausing the career clock because he ends up blowing his one shot in the end anyway; And that even that’s bullshit because there is no such thing as just one shot, in life or in music.

All that said, I am so grateful for this song, for the peculiar way it continues to find its way into the world all these years later, and how it has ultimately made so many things possible for me, my career, and my life.

Behold: The very last time I ever drank milk.

🖤

 

 

Logan Lynn: Willam Belli, ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’ Rule Breaker – The Day After

(Originally Published on The Huffington Post on 3/21/2012)

Like many of you, I was shocked Monday night when, on RuPaul’s Drag Race, Ru announced that one of the contestants, Willam Belli, had broken the rules and was being disqualified from the competition. (That’s right. I love TV. Deal with it.)

Oddly enough, I had scheduled an interview with Willam last week, before the bomb dropped, for a second installment of my HuffPost blog “Queer Celebrities Need Love, Too,” but after watching the show I decided to throw out all those questions.

My chat with Willam from yesterday (the day after all the drama) is below.

Hey, Willam. Tough night, huh? What happened, girl?

Well, I checked the Internet to find out why I was disqualified, and this is what my NancyDruPaul skills could come up with:

  1. I was on heroin, and that’s how I was able to be so calm when Phi Phi yelled at me.
  2. I went out drinking the night before, and that’s why I vomited onstage.
  3. My favorite reason: I was on hormones to become a woman, and they found out during the lie-detector test — ’cause you can obviously see how delicate I’ve become, with all my soft features and this friggin’ man jaw.
  4. I apparently slept with Pit Crew Jason, because he’s in my new “Chow Down (at Chick-fil-A)” video.
  5. I enjoyed the Internet, or went shopping, or had sex with cast or crew.

The Internet thinks you’ve been really busy! Good times. You didn’t look very surprised when the announcement that you were being asked to leave the show was made. Had you been told in advance of the taping, or did you find out onstage?

Well, I was the one who admitted to the producers without prodding that I broke rules — multiple times, in fact. I wasn’t caught doing anything. One of the days just happened to be on a duet challenge, so I knew that it would be a going-down-in-a-blaze-of-glory moment should they choose to act on it (and they did). I’m glad they let me sing, though, because Latrice and I were the best, and her being partnerless in a duets challenge would’ve been weird. Read the rest of this entry »


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